Meh (When the Glow Begins to Fade…)

John 8:12 NASB:  “Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, ‘I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.'”

Everyday motion slowed, like when a yellow flag waves at the Daytona 500, the crowd holding its collective breath. And then everything came to a halt.

Colorado isssued a Stay-at-Home order on March 23, 2020, and we joined folks around the globe in an unprecedented season. The Covid-19 Virus  had virutally shut the state down. Streets and restaurants were eerily silent. No music rang from concert halls or other venues.  Even the public schools were closed. Families were forced into isolation.

Ironically, I spent the first 20 days “at home” busier than ever.  I  learned  technology connected to Remote Learning, scrambled to get an at-home workspace set up, and encouraged some friends and family who were freaking out. Adrenalin took center stage and all other emotions sat silently in the audience. Each day the hubs headed to work at the time between night and day, working long hours as a Maintenance Supervisor in an “essential”  facility while I worked from home as a braillist, and we adjusted to another new schedule.  I whiled away my evenings in the craft room relearning how to make cards.

It hit around day 23.

Adrenalin took a bow and the emotional curtain opened again.  Gratitude stood on stage and recounted all that I was grateful for: a fulfilling job that could be done from home, daily walks, good health, salmon and quinoa and all sorts of happy eats. Sister chats.  The fact that I was confined with my favorite person.  The Colorado sunshine. Google Meets with my six kids and grandkids (and grandpets.).

I knew this season would not last forever. Everything still felt bright and, well, glowy despite the surrealness. I expected gratitude to stay onstage for the entire Pandemic Scene, but the lights dimmed on day 23 and  Meh emerged. Gratitude had not exited but stood backstage. A battle ensued.

Meh shouted with self appointed authority.  I watched gratitude cower, shrinking further away from the noise of Meh’s monologue.

I understood that we needed to be responsible, that lives were at risk, so Stay at Home was necessary for a time. But I missed my grandkids (And kids of course. But grandkids are just a whole other level of Miss.) I missed church, and getting together with friends. Other folks shared via social media their completed house projects, while hubs and I didn’t even find time to clean the windows or tackle yardwork much less start anything new. I wandered through our 2900 square feet of old house ticking off all the things that needed to be done: floors replaced, a new fence put up, walls begging for fresh paint. The yard was in dire straits with  dandelions multiplying overnight.  Like weeds striving to usurp the grass, I could feel Meh trying to shove Gratitude out of the way, to become star of the show as I roamed from room to room. That’s when I noticed them.

Little stains left on a ceiling from days-gone-by.  The unsightly  little marks  brought me back to an era when my firstborn was still a boy who devoured information; a boy thrilled with all things astronomical, rattling off statistics and facts about planets, stars, and the sun.  The day that we bought him glow-in-the-dark star stickers to cover his ceiling, he was over the moon. (See what I did there? Over the moon? What can I say, I’ve been confined with the King of Dad jokes for over a month and it’s showing…).

It was years before the stars were ripped off, leaving little scars in their place, reminders that no season lasts forever.

But now I remember that long ago season.

I remember that the more The Boy had his light on during the day, the brighter the stars glowed in his room at night.

They needed light to be lights themselves.

So do I. If I am going to shine during darker seasons, I need time in the light.

Sunlight helps.

Books, podcasts, and music with bright messages add another level of luminosity.

Encouraging friends add some glow.

But the quickest, strongest way to get my own light back is to spend time basking in The Light of  the World.

Like when Moses spent time face to face with the Lord, he literally shone.

Sometimes it means climbing a mountain, forcing myself to make the hike into His Presence, alone,  when I’d rather just make cards. Or find a bowl of ice cream and wallow. But wallowing leads to waning light. Time with the Lord means radiance. Radiance overshadows Meh.

They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.  Pslam 34:5

So I’ve been taking purposeful time in the Word and in prayer. Meh is kicked off stage.

I’m spending time in the Light so I can be a light in this world.

One of the Scripture phrases following me around this week is from 1 Timothy 4:14  “Do not neglect the gift that is in you…”  I’ve been told over and over that I have a gift for writing. But writing is hard. I’d rather eat ice cream. Still, when I spend time with the Lord, I know that the only way I can shine my light is to walk where He leads me.

So here I am.  Rambling again. Asking the Spirit to speak to YOU what only He can through my ramblings.

And if you need a little smile because it seems like we are going to be stuck at home FOREVER, here’s  a 46 second clip of my grandson, showing us what this “forever” will look like in the grand scheme of things. I call this clip “Theo and the Resurrected Fox.” Enjoy.

And please share – have you hit a Meh phase? What have you done to get yourself back on track?  Do you know what your giftings are? How are you/can you use them?

And last….if you are a paper crafter, here’s a link to my facebook page for crafts. Not selling anything…just sharing my cre8tions 🙂 If you are stuck at home, can’t shop for a card, let me know. I’ll do the best I can to get one to you. Just because.

Love and blessings,

Marie with a 🙂